Daddy's Girl

When Ben gets home from work, he looks forward to having some Daddy time. Of course, our cat, Saki, is also used to having some "Daddy" time. She's finally come to terms that there's another girl in Daddy's life now, but she doesn't like it one bit.

Well, I'm going to have some coffee. Suddenly, I need something to help me wake up in the mornings!

I hope everyone has a terrific day. Father, thank you for this day- whatever it holds, may I say, "It is well."

The Locket

I can't remember the exact year I got this necklace, but I remember the moment well. My Mom and I were shopping at West Town at the old Proffitt's Department store, which I really miss by the way. They had awesome sales and it was a local kind of place, but I digress... We were there just looking around at the jewelry, and this necklace caught my eye as I was spinning the circular rack. I thought it was so beautiful, and Mom bought it for me that day for a time in the future. We both smiled at the thought of there one day being a baby in my arms.

Much time would go by before our family would start, but I would wear this necklace around town and out and about as a hope of a family to come. I would always think of Maia Grace when I would put it on, never really knowing when she would arrive, but I had that promise in my heart.

When we went to get pictures made by Tamyra Parks the other night, I brought it along, thinking I'd like to take a picture of Ava with it. As I held it, the waiting came back for a moment and then vanished in a flash (literally!) This picture is a precious one to me for all that it represents - the waiting, the wanting, the aching, the promise and the hope all wrapped up together.

Well, I hear Ava waking up... I'll post some pictures of Daddy and Ava time tomorrow sometime hopefully.

Ants in the Kitchen...

Here's Ava at five weeks today! The beautiful blankets behind her were made by Sandy and Cindy Goodson - my sewing heroes! :) Thank you, Cindy and Sandy!



Here's Ava and her cool background shot by the diaper cake we had at our neighborhood shower last Saturday. We had a great time! The pink blanket was knitted by my French neighbor, yet another sewing hero of mine! Thank you, Huguette!




I'm a little behind on my blogging! It seems like every time I try to come in here and write something meaningful, I get distracted - which is a good thing, because it's usually Miss Ava that's doing the distracting! :) So, we'll see how I do today.

Being the amateur photographer I am, I decided to try to set up some background shots today for her five weeks old pictures. A great friend of ours is coming by tonight to do some professional (knows what she's doing) shots, but this is my stab at photo creativity! So many people have talked about her big pink bow, and you'll see that she wearing it in these photos.

Ava is five weeks old today, and Ben and I are settling in to more of a routine. She's now 10lbs and is sleeping much better at night, which means that I'm a little more coherent during the day!

Every day proves to be different either in the way she's growing or how I'm continuing to grow. Lately, I'm found myself nesting even more than I did this summer, wanting everything to have a place and there to be order! I realized that, ugh, perfection was rearing its ugly head this week, and I had to let go of that once again! There are still ants coming in my windowsill in the kitchen for the bizillionth time, Bear still doesn't have his flea meds, the laundry is greeting people at the door, the thank you notes are piling up, and I think there's a formula stain trail on the nursery floor and we're out of toothpaste.

Ah, to sit back and just enjoy the moment. That is what I'm trying to do today. I made some iced tea and visited with Marna, a friend of mine who came by to visit. Sweet time, sweet friend, sweet tea.

The ants are still marching... pesky little sugar ants...

There's a million things I could be doing with my time right now, but I wanted to continue the blog I started in hopes that it will continue to encourage people I know and don't know!

As I thought about how that hole in my heart had been filled by Ava and how suddenly I was strugging with new things, I was reminded ONCE AGAIN, that the things of this world can never completely satisfy. I was striving in vain this week to create a perfect home and get a scrapbook started and get a keepsake box in order, and, and, and.... fight the ants in the kitchen!

"In returning and rest you shall be saved; In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." Isaiah 30:15.

Well, I know that verse, and I found myself thinking about it today somewhere between washing bottles, putting Ava down for a nap and eating tuna.

I still need God. He has ended my struggle, and life is now in the next phase, and I still need him every moment of every day. I want to return today and rest and find strength in Him and let go of my wordly perfection efforts.

Anybody else out there struggle with trying to be perfect?

Honestly, that's an ongoing battle for me, and I am going to try to take off the perfection hat today, and the battle the ants helmet, and just enjoy Ava and the 70 degree weather.

Ahh.. that's better.

A Baby, a Cat, a Panda, a Ladybug and a Doll.

Hi, everybody!

I'm now four weeks old! Boy, I'm changing a lot already, and I'm starting to coo and smile and study faces and some toys. My favorite toy right now is a caterpillar with a big smile on his face. Mommy keeps setting up goofy pictures of me with Saki, our cat, a doll, a panda and a ladybug. Good grief. I just want to sleep! I went to the pediatrician yesterday and had a big time. They did all kinds of things and flipped me over and checked me out. They said I'm very healthy. Here are my measurements!

Weight: 10 lbs 8.6 oz (Mommy thought that car seat was getting a bit heavier!)
Length: 22 in
Head circumference: 37 cm

All is well today on this fall day. The breeze feels great in my full head of hair, and I like to look around outside and listen to the chipping sparrows that have moved into our front yard. Our dog, Bear, can be a little loud at times, but I'm getting used to him, too.

Mommy just stares at me a lot, especially in the wee small hours of the morning. Sometimes, she gets a tear or two in her eyes thinking about how I came to be her little girl. Sometimes, it's after she's been to the mailbox and sometimes, it's at 2:00 in the morning when nothing much is going on short of watching me eat and sleep.

I already feel so loved by so many people. I hope to send out thank you notes, soon! I have to have Mommy's help for that, though! Poor thing. She's still trying to do all that laundry upstairs!!

I hope you enjoy my pictures. I tried my best to hold my head up for these crazy pictures Mommy took. I'm waiting for my little sister Maia, and I know we'll have many adventures together. Mommy tells me that Maia and I will have a special bond. I wonder what she'll look like and how much younger than me she'll be. Likely, I'll get to be the big sis.

My one month old birthday is coming up September 21st. Whoah! I can't believe how quickly time has gone by! One minute, I'm in that plastic box at the hospital, and the next minute, I'm with the cat on the couch. A lot has already happened in my short little life.

I've been out to eat Italian and Mexican, and Mommy took me to Hobby Lobby this week and to Mimi and Papa's house to play while she and Daddy went on a burger date! Next week, I'll get to go to the mountains for a family picnic and sit by the river. Someday, Mommy and Daddy say they are going to show me how to catch crawdads and skip rocks. Mommy says I'll tube down the river someday, too. That was her favorite thing in the world to do when she was younger.

I'll see you again, soon, as I'm sure Mommy will post more pictures of me doing goofy things again! Oh, brother.

With Open Arms

These are pictures of Miss Ava at three weeks. :) She's already changing so much!







PAUSE THE PLAYLIST MUSIC TO HEAR THE VIDEO

With Open Arms...

I thought long and hard about what I wanted the title of this blog to be. I wanted it to be something that captured the place where I found myself this summer when I started journaling. I wanted it to capture traveling the road of domestic adoption and contining to wait on an international one. This blog is about far more than adoption though. It's about finding God in the waiting in my life and in the everyday ups and downs.

I haven't always had open arms to whatever the Lord had for me. Often, I've had my own plans and my own course set -goals, visions, hopes, dreams that I hoped would just happen to line up with God's purpose for my life and what He had for me. Many times, I've come kicking and screaming and saying, "Wait, Lord, but I thought we'd do it this way." I'm learning that HIS way is always better.

Complete surrender - that could have been another title for this blog. Sometime along the way, not quickly or at the onset of the journey to children, but somewhere along the way, I FINALLY came to end of myself and my wishes and how I thought the plan should unfold. I began to pray, "Lord, give me the desires of Your heart. Make my desires match Yours." He has been faithful to do that over time.

Domestic adoption is a road that I have peered down but deliberately not traveled because of fear and uncertainty. Anybody familiar with those two terms? I thought it would be too difficult, and I wanted something that was a sure thing, especially after the heartache of the last eight years and the ups and downs and disappointments of countless procedures and miscarriages. I'm learning that I never know what is a "sure" thing, but I did learn in this adoption that when I completely surrender, and open my arms and walk forward, that God WILL lead, and He will come in His timing to show me His plan for my life. Better still, He will make the desires of my heart line up with His. He has been patient with my kicking and screaming and questioning and doubting. He's been patient with my waywardness and wanderings. He knows I'm dust.

There are some of you reading this blog that are on a similar journey to start a family, and I want to say to you, "hold on." There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and it's coming, though it may not unfold exactly like the way you envisioned. It's coming and will be the perfect plan and will be your special story.

I wanted to include this video on this post, because I stumbled on it after a dear friend pointed out that Mark Schultz is adopted. You may not know this guy, but He's a great Christian singer who has traveled the journey of being adopted, and He shares His story.

I am forever grateful to Ava's birthmom who made the unselfish choice to place Ava with our family. She's a part of the great romance and story of our lives that God has been weaving together through the ups and downs. I can never express my gratitude enough to her. She'll always hold a very special place in our hearts. I would do this all again - maybe without so much kicking and screaming and insisting on my own way - but I would go through the valley again to find Ava and Maia on the other side.

Still waiting on Miss Maia, but I know she's coming...

Love everyone,

Emily

Sweet Celebrations!

"When you're waiting on the Lord, it doesn't mean nothing is happening, because when you're waiting on the Lord, He's always moving in your life." Stormie O'Martian


I promised I would share the story of how Ava Faith came to be our little girl and how God found me in the simple dipping of ice cream. I want this story to honor Him and the people He used to speak to me, and I will try my best to tell it just as it happened.

It was just another ordinary day, another day into the now two-year waiting for Maia Grace from China, another day of eight years of waiting for a family. One thing I've discovered is that while you're waiting on the Lord, life moves and happens, and sometimes, it's on just another ordinary day that the Lord's plan begins to unfold and takes you by complete surprise. This is my story.

I remember the day well. It was springtime and sunny as I drove the short distance to Sweet Celebrations bakery where I had started working in February '08. I decided to take a part-time position to help me pass the time while waiting for Maia Grace. I had spent seven years of my life as a sixth grade math teacher but had recently resigned my position when Ben and I thought we were going to get our referral for Maia. This was a gut-wrenching decision that I had to make based on what facts we were being given about the referral wait times in China. When the referrals dramatically slowed down and the wait became longer and longer, I began to wonder if there was something that the Lord wanted me to "do." Teaching wasn't very feasible because I honestly didn't know when we would get that call to come and get Maia, and I didn't want to leave my class midway through the year. While at home, I was content to take care of Ben, but there was something inside me that wanted to spend time with the public again. I SO missed my teaching career and the children and colleagues I was around everyday, and to be honest, I was lonely. So, I decided to open the doors to whatever God wanted me to do.

After taking ou dog, Bear, to the vet, I inquired about a position helping out there. The answer came back as "no." I then interviewed for a third grade position in the fall and put my all into preparing. Was this what God wanted me to do? The answer soon came as, "No." So, I waited and continued to trust that God would lead me. If I was supposed to stay home, ok, but if He wanted me somewhere else, I would be willing to do that, too.

A new bakery, Sweet Celebrations, had just opened in the fall of '07, and a good friend of mine from church was one of the wedding cake bakers/decorators there. She happened to be sitting in front of me at the movies one night while we were watching 27 Dresses , and she approached me about working part-time. I decided to come in for an interview with the owners. I already knew them after having their daughter in sixth grade back in '99/'00. I came in sometime in mid-February for an interview and was hired to work part-time throughout the week.

I began to talk to God about where I was in life many times and why I was dipping ice cream. There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. I just felt funny after having been a math teacher. I think it was a pride thing when people came in and said, "What are you doing? I thought you were a teacher." Daily, I had to remind myself that it was not between me and everyone else to guess why I was suddenly saying regular cone or sugar cone; it was between me and the Lord. Me and Jesus. Dipping ice cream. Ok.

While I was happy to be interacting with the public again and seeing MANY familiar faces, there was something inside of me that continued to ask, "Why am I here in this place, Lord? More importantly, why I am still in the waiting?" I really enjoyed the people I worked with at the bakery and I loved the public, but these thoughts were with me every day.

It was on one ordinary springtime sunny day in late April that I met Patty, who I am convinced that God used to speak to me and fulfill His plan for our family. Patty is one of owner's sisters and just happened to be at the bakery that day with her little girl, Jennifer. We struck up a casual conversation, and she asked if I had children. I told her we were still waiting for our referral for our little girl in China after a long battle with infertility and miscarriages. One thing led to another, and our conversation became very intimate about our similar struggle to have a family. As I put my apron on and went to work, the wheels started turning in Patty's head, and she approached me about a daughter of a friend of hers from Atlanta who was possibly looking for an adoptive family. I wasn't immediately excited about this plan as I had grown to be VERY protective of our adoption from China. I told her I would go home and talk to Ben about it and let her know something the next week.

This was on a Friday. I then went home and boarded the "fear and what if" train. Maybe you're familiar with that train! It makes daily runs to pick up passengers. Well, I was a passenger on that train all weekend and came back to work on Tuesday and told her, "no." Later that week, I relayed the story to the women in my weekly bible study. They spoke some hard truth to me that day and said that I was maybe making the China adoption an idol and protecting it so much that I wasn't being open to what God maybe had prepared for me. Ouch.

Later in that same week, I got a message from Patty on my home answering machine saying that she felt like the Lord wanted her to call me back. She felt this strongly and decided to act on it, even though I had said,"no." Ben and I had serious discussion that night, and the next day, we decided to take a GIANT leap of blind faith and go for it, knowing that it may or may not work out.

To be completely honest, I also feared the "not working out" after enduring several miscarriages, one baby in 2002 and twin girls in the winter of 2007. Over the years, I had built a protective wall around my heart that was inpenetrable. Saying yes to move forward with this domestic adoption made a crack in that wall that would later tumble down completely!

So, after we said yes, my words to friends and family were these. "We're walking through doors as they open until the Lord closes them." I described going through these doors and being in a dark room. I couldn't see anything - completely blind. There were no easy answers, a billboard or positive affirmation that this was going to happen - just walking through doors as they opened and groping around in the dark.

So, here I am right now eating a corndog with mustard and listening to Ava breathe as she sleeps.

The Lord was with me in the questions of dipping ice cream, and I firmly believe Patty entered my life as a divine appointment. She'll always be my very special sister in Christ. We both learned a lot about blind faith I think, and we'll never be the same.

I'm also learning (noticed I didn't say I have learned!) to let that fear train keep on rolling down the tracks as I journey on. I'm learning to look for new form of transportation these days.

My Heavenly Father carrying me.

Patty and her husband, Brian, and daughter, Jennifer, are pictured above. The top two pictures are from my last days working at Sweet Celebrations Bakery.

All Things Bright and Beautiful!

Ava Faith made her appearance for the first time at church yesterday surrounded by friends and family - the body of Christ to us. I can't begin to tell you the flood of emotions I felt as we entered the church and saw very familiar faces that have stood beside us the past eight years. Many people know the ups and downs of our story, and many people have been waiting along with us to see the "goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!"

Goodness encircled us yesterday. We decided to sit with both sets of grandparents with Ava on the back pew. As the service got underway, Pastor Jerry called us down front for the congregation to see the result of their many prayers for us. As we walked down the aisle toward the front, I felt like I was in slow motion. In front of us was the long-awaited rosebud on the altar. I've sat silently mnay times fighting back tears as rosebuds have adorned the altar. The ache in my heart has been overwhelmingly great in the past, nd I remember that well.

So, there it was, bright and beautiful and pink on the altar. As we turned to make our way back to the pew, the congregation stood and clapped, and Ben and I almost lost it! I could see faces that are precios to us beaming with joy and rejoicing in what God has done! As one dear friend put it, "Your pain and your suffering have been swallowed up in victory and redeemed for His glory, praise and honor!"

He did it in an instant, and I am still amazed. I could almost hear His voice saying, "It is time," He who is able to do immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine!

Later on in the afternoon, my folks came over for some outside grandparent pictures with Ben's parents. It was a beautiful, beautiful, glorious day. If we didn't get to see you at church yesterday, we hope to see you next Sunday!

I promised that I would post the journey, the surprise journey to Ava soon, and I will definitely do that! It's quite a story - a simple story, really.

Love to everyone,

Emily and Ben

A Celebration of a New Grandaughter!

The journey into parenthood continues this weekend, and I almost posted at 2:00 a.m. as Ava was SLEEPING and I WAS TOTALLY AWAKE! It was like we switched places, you know, like that in the movie, Freaky Friday. I came downstairs and almost made banana nut muffins and coffee. I even went outside and heard the night birds singing and saw the stars shining. Crazy! My body is so confused! I finally crawled back into bed and forced my eyes to shut and wished for sleep. It finally came, and.... Ava woke up! I guess that's the way it goes for awhile.

Tomorrow is Grandparent's Day, and we have some very excited Grandparents here this weekend! Ava's grandparents are Mimi and Papa, my parents, and Grandma and Grandaddy, Ben's parents. We've had tons of fun with both sides of proud grandparents and are planning to all get together tomorrow to celebrate Grandparent's Day and take advantage of a photo op!

Ava is my parent's first grandchild, and oh, how they've waited for that! They are joyous! Ben's parents are already grandparents of two grandsons, Chase and Evan, and now a new grandaughter! They are also overjoyed as they've been anticipating this for awhile, too! We're excited for Ava to meet her new aunts and uncles and cousins in Maryland later this year!

Here are a few pics of them holding Miss Ava. We're considering a venture to church for the first time tomorrow! I hope to post again soon...

A Few Special Moments

I'll write a post later today when I've got more time and I'm not typing with one hand!! Going to the pediatrician today for a well visit...
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4:50 p.m. Well, I made it to the pediatrician and back with no major mishaps, and this time, I DID have diapers and wipes with me thank you very much instead of just burp cloths and formula. For those of you catching up, Ben and I took her to her 1st well visit in GA, and I forgot to put diapers and wipes, yes, in the DIAPER bag. Today, I felt much more in the flow of things, even if my body doesn't know what time it is. She was a little angel today, but I know there will likely be many future appointments with crying and hollering!

We're having so much fun opening the mailbox, answering the door, and checking the machine. I have cherished every joyful word from everyone, and I am working on calling or e-mailing you back. Just please know that Ben and I feel so loved by everyone, are treasuring your rejoicing with us and can't wait for you to meet little Ava Faith!

Next week, we'll be a little more adjusted ( I hope ) and caught up on some sleep. I'll continue to post pictures and share my heart in hopes that it will encourage someone out there on any given day.

I'd like to share the story of how Ava Faith came to be our little girl, and it's a great story with a lot of twist and turns but one clear path marked out by my Heavenly Father. Remember when I said God knows right where to find me. Let's just say that He found me dipping ice cream. Yep. Dipping ice cream.

It was in the everyday moments of "regular cone or sugar cone?" and folding a zillion cake boxes that God surprised me.

I hope to share that story this weekend. Ben's Mom and Dad, (Grandma and Grandad) are coming to visit tomorrow evening. I'll post some pictures very soon!

Inexpressible Joy! Ava Faith is Our Daughter Today!

"Write the vision and make it plain on tablets. That he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; Because it will surely come; it will not tarry." Habakkuh 2:3


All was very quiet on the southern front today. Around 5:30 today, Mom and I were in the nursery, and my aunts were calling to check in. I knew some friends were going to drop by, but oh my, what a grand surprise awaited me and Ben at around 6:00.

We watched as car after car came down the hill spilling children and adults with balloons out into our front yard. It was like the best parade I've ever seen! There was laughter and dancing and smiling and hugging. Again, I wanted to stay in the moment and freeze time.

There are so many people in our hearts to thank for their love, encouragement, prayers, fasting, interceding and support. Some were able to be here today to celebrate, and others weren't, but I know that we are being loved from all directions, and there are a slew of folks celebrating and exhaling tonight!

Ava slept through the whole thing and is upstairs in her little crib sleeping peacefully as I blog. I'm a mommy now. Whoah. Just like that.

God, you turned my mourning into dancing and turned ashes into beauty, all in a moment. I saw Your hand move to orchestrate this surprise, and I know You're smiling and laughing as you saw the spectacle today.

When everyone was gathered, we saw about 30 pink, white and green balloons. Beth, pictured in my past post, made an announcement as everyone gathered and told me that the balloons represented the pain and long suffering of the past eight years. She said we were going to let them all go. I joked and said we needed a hot air balloon! :)

On the ready, the balloons sailed into the hot western sky, and as I watched, I sat silently, saying goodbye to the heartache and sorrow, longing and emotional pain of the last eight years that had grown to be my everyday companions.

So, if you come across a balloon out there somewhere, you'll know it's all of the things I've been holding onto that were keeping the joy from my heart. A new day is here! There's a time for every season. The season of infertility is over in my life, and I will never be the same. I can honestly say now that I am thankful for the lessons God taught me in the valley, although I still don't fully understand and won't this side of Heaven. I'm ok with my understanding being limited. I know Jesus and I will have a lot to talk about, and I'm looking forward to that. :)

September 2nd - I will forever mark this day as the day God rescued my heart. Thank you, Lord. You deserve all the glory and honor for this celebration!

I know future seasons of joy and pain are ahead in this life. I'd like to have a heads up on what's next. Oh, but then I remember the role that faith has played during this season - being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see.

Oh, and we're not eating Chinese food. We're eating leftovers... The Chinese food can mark another occasion in the future....

With great love to everyone...

Emily

It's Tuesday!

Hey, everybody!

I've been napping, but I wanted to put up a quick post. Everything is going really well. Ben will be coming home around 5:30 or so to celebrate! We haven't heard a peep, and we're just waiting to see the clock hands keep ticking by...

No news is good news! I'll post later tonight with some pictures hopefully!!!!

Almost There!

Happy Labor Day!

We've had a great weekend just getting settled in as a family and opening the door to friends and family who are dropping by to visit, bring dinner and celebrate! I feel like I need to have "Celebrate" by Kool and the Gang at the front door over a loud speaker. I think I might leave the ballons and ribbons on the porch until they shrivel up and the wind whisks them away! Seriously. :)

I wanted to give you a quick update on where things stand right now. Today was day 10 of the wait, but because of Labor Day, day 10 has to be tomorrow. So, as of tomorrow night, Ava Faith will officially be our little girl! I feel like we need to set off fireworks or at least hold a sparkler or two or something. We'll likely just order Chinese and stare at each other and at Ava for awhile. :)

I'll continue to post pictures and updates as our story continues to unfold. For those of you following our journey to Maia also, I have to taken the site off of this one for security reasons. The address is still journeytomaia.com if you'd like to follow the referral time line. We're expecting dates to roll the first or second week of September, and we're about to renew our federal fingerprints in a few months.

I'm still in complete awe at God's timing and how He swooped in as my great Rescuer when I was least expecting it. He has filled that empty place in my heart, that place that wanted to be a mommy for so long. I stand over Ava's crib amazed as I look at her and how she came to be ours. Now, that's another story, and it's one that I want to share sometime this week.

I'll hopefully post tomorrow night as I'm eating General Tsao's Chicken with chopsticks!