Expectant Hope

"It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, or so to make a few objects beautiful, but it is far more glorious to paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally, we can do. To affect the quality of the day; that is the highest of the arts." Henry David Thoreau.

This is my blog, a place to share my journey in hopes that it will speak to others and encourage. This is me unplugged in an effort to be an authentic and real woman of God with no trappings of false righteousness or perfection. I am and remain broken, but thank God that He puts the broken pieces back together into something beautiful that He's creating and molding! So... "in lifiting my eyes to the maker of the mountains I can't climb, the calmer of the oceans of raging wild, the Healer of the hurts I hold inside", I dedicate my writing to the One who gave it to me. I give it back to Him, for His glory and as a humble servant of what it is He wants me to do, however big, however small. Continue to help me Lord with my daily trappings that you know I struggle to take off.

My current journey is one of discovering the children God has for us. We heard the call to adopt a baby girl from China in 2005, one we're still hoping for in a long season of waiting. I'm learning that the waiting is not as hard as the RESTING in the Lord while waiting patiently for Him. Our baby girl's name is Maia Grace, and we don't think that she's been born yet, as the time frame for our referral from China is now fall of 2009, and she'll likely be 8-12 months old when we bring her home. I grow more and more sure of her everyday in my heart, though we can't see the when. Maia, as you read this someday, forever know that I am so completely and utterly certain that God chose us to come and bring you home to your forever family. I rest in that everyday as I wait for you.

Our newest adventure in adoption came unexpectedly on a warm spring day in May 2008 when we decided to open our hearts to whatever God has for us and surrender our plan, our will, and our vision of how we think this becoming parents thing should look. I've had to readjust that several times, always becoming utterly helpless in my attempts to reason, reach understanding or ascertain God's plan. Rest in His understanding. Lean not on my own. Unfortunately, I haven't learned that like tying my shoe or riding my bike. I have to relearn and relearn and relearn all the time. I'm actually discovering that helplessness is the BEST place to be, because I finally come to end of myself (ouch) and let God take over (enter freedom!) Seems strange doesn't it, that helplessness is a place of power - not on OUR part but on God's part, for He is never helpless! Rest. Rest.

I'm continuing to walk down this road of faith. To be honest, sometimes it feels like the fire swamp from Princess Bride if you're familiar with that movie! 1 Peter 5:8 warns us to "Be self-controlled and alert, Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.", especially those who are waiting and trusting in the Lord! One of his favorite questions to the child of God is "Are you sure God knows what He's doing? Why don't you step in and take charge?" He's the great deceiver who comes disguised as the bearer of light, for that's what Lucifer means. This is a daily battle for the believer, but praise God, that He's already won the victory for us! Earth is not heaven, and oh, the unspeakable joy that's waiting for us after we navigate through the twists and turns of this world.

Ben and I are walking through doors as they open to adopt a newborn little girl from Atlanta. Can we say surprise in the midst of this waiting for China to move their referral dates along?! We've chosen the name Ava Faith. She's due August 24th, and we're definitely walking by faith and not by sight. Can you say helpless?! No control, no manipulation, no "I have this all figured out," or "these are the prenatal vitamins I would take." Simply, faith. A great friend of mine who has also traveled this same road to adopt domestically has a sign in her house that says, "Faith isn't knowing that God can. It's knowing that He will." He's in action right now as I write these words, working and orchestrating. I just have to have faith, as He calls me forward. So, this is the beginning of my blog. I'm opening my arms, Lord. What do you have for me?

To close this blog, I wanted to include a remembrance video of Maria Sue Chapman, the youngest adopted daughter of Steven and Mary Beth Chapman. She was killed in a tragic car accident a few weeks ago at the family home. Their obedience to follow the call to China adoption has been an inspiration to me, and the song, "Love Takes You In" on my playlist is my all time favorite adoption song. My prayers are with this amazing family who is soldiering on and choosing to hope in the midst of their loss, knowing that Maria Sue is now safe in the arms of Jesus. Be sure to pause the playlist songs to hear the video. You might want to grab some kleenex, too.