The Details

After yet another frantic pace this morning, I found myself, again, depleted - utterly. Realizing how depleted I felt, I wondered how long it had been since I had had a conversation - with Jesus - about the condition of my heart - about my restless spirit - about the details.

I poured some coffee, curled up in the midst of Ava's toys in the floor and decided to read one of my favorite books, Streams in the Desert. It's been weeks since I picked it up because of my hurried, labored pace. My bookmark was on May 16th. Ugh. It's the 28th. I've mentioned this little book before. It is like a breath of fresh air when I read it, because it reminds me of God's truth and His peace, which I'd like to say that I'm constantly tapped in to on any given day. But, the truth is, I get depleted, by the world, by the noise, by my own and other's expectations, and this or that starts becoming an idol- something that begins to take the place of the Lord - something I focus on WAY too much.

Lately, the idol for me has been, gulp, order.

If you've ever seen that old thriller, Sleeping With the Enemy, there'a a scene when Julia Roberts opens her kitchen cabinets and all of the cans are perfectly in order and sequenced. That's how she knew her ex-husband who was a pyscho was in the house. That scene freaked me out and still does! That kind of order would drive me insane. Still, I find myself trying to get all of my "cans" in my life in perfect order.

I've mentioned perfection before, and likely, these are buddy idols. I laugh out loud just writing that word, order, because order is certainly something that's not fully attainable - no matter how much I strive to attain it! I felt all out of whack this morning, and just poured out my heart to the Lord. He says to bring Him our burdens, cast our cares upon Him and that His yoke is light. Well, mine has been heavy, and I know that something is off when I feel that. It seems so trivial compared to North Korean threats, homelessness in India because of the storms there and global economic crises, but God DOES care about the trivial in my life - not just the BIG things. So, I said, "Ok. Here's all of the things I'm struggling with today, Lord. I feel like I can't get on top of it all. I'm going to give these feelings of struggle to you, drink my coffee (caffeinated) and move forward with my day." So I did. No lightening bolts or immediate order happened in my household, just a perspective change - replacing my idol of order and pesky perfection with the Lord and His priorities for my day - not mine.

I then went in to check my e-mail. I signed up for forty days of e-mail encouragement from Christian recording artists who share their hope in Christ related to their every day lives and struggles, and today, this is what I read. It was so good,so right on the money, that I thought I'd post it. It's about feelings...those things we all have.

This is from one of the members of Take 6.

"From that point on I literally had to believe what God said, in spite of how I felt. My depressive side always told me through my feelings, “You’re not going to overcome this. You can’t deal with this, you can’t overcome.” But God doesn’t work in the realm of feeling. Faith always steps outside of the realm of feeling, and belief is always outside of feeling.

If you really believe, you can know that God says it and God will determine how to work it out. So now I go to bed every night knowing for a fact that “God will make me complete, steady, strong, and firm. God has already told me I’m going to make it through. Now I’ve got to believe."

Good word for ME today! Maybe for you, too? I have to trust that He will make me complete, steady, strong and firm through my struggles and in the midst of them and not on my timetable. Praise the Lord that He isn't finished with me yet! I've got a long way to go!

Love to all as we're on this journey together,

Emily
(now on my second cup of coffee!)