Seeking an Undivided Heart

Hey, everybody,

You may be puzzled as to why you see pictures of piles of laundry in my house, but please let me explain...First, let me say that I'm definitely not trying to paint a picture of a perfect life on my blog! Gasp! Sometimes, it does occur to me that I try to present myself or my family or my home or my whatever in the best light - put my best foot forward, etc. Well. Let me just be vulnerable with you for a moment and tell you that it's often not that way! :)







Also, there's a new precious song on the playlist. It speaks of exactly where I find myself right now. Maybe you find yourself there, too?

Last week was one of those weeks- the kind of weeks when I felt so hurried that I barely had time to breathe, much less check my e-mails and update the blog! Life happened, spring continued to spring, and my pace became very hurried - ugh - AND perfection reared its ugly head again. Imagine a bubble over my head with these things in it... "If I could just get the laundry done, Ava's lifebook started and her eczema under control, the potatoes planted and the front beds mulched, the phone calls returned, the final adoption decree to the state to be state certified before it goes to China, the adoption announcments mailed, my family and neighbors loved and valued, AND please the person in the mirror... ahh, then all would be well, and I would have peace. No, I wouldn't. It just doesn't work like that. Even if I got ALL of that done in some superwoman like effort, there would always be something to pull and tug at my peace and joy within a given day. Amen, women??? Men, I am so not leaving you out, because you have things that weigh on your hearts and minds, too. :)

So...needless to say, I did some hard thinking on this fact and my hurried pace and perfectionistic mindset and lack of peace this past weekend, and I've promised myself that I would SLOW DOWN this week and let the Holy Spirit walk me through my day and guide me. It's always a challenge for me to understand what "entangles me" and try as I may to "throw it off," I just can't do it with my own power. Enter the Lord's power in my life and not my own efforts and manipulation and control. I just plain old can't do it by myself, and the good news, no the great news, is that I don't have to!

I'm at home today, blogging and sorting and sifting and letting go of perfection. I am SO not perfect each and every single day. ATTN everyone: I am not perfect. I am weak and vulnerable and a wreck but praise God that He loves me just the way I am, and He is continuing to mold and shape this daughter and her heart which He treasures. Just in case you don't believe that I'm not perfect ( ha ha ), I'll give you a vision of my lack of perfection:

I snapped at my neighbor last week when she said something about Ava's size compared to mine that I interpreted one way or another. She was just trying to be funny. - enter pride and being easily offended...ugh

I was annoyed when my agenda was interrupted by a phone call that took an hour from my 70 something neighbor who just wanted to talk and tell me a story -enter selfishness and control of MY day. Is it really MY day to begin with?

I was easily offended by some parents I didn't know at Kroger picking out baby food for their child and making it a point that their child DID like green beans. Ava doesn't, and I was just trying to make conversation, and they got a little odd about the conversation centering around a green vegetable. I stewed about it all through aisle 11 and 12 and 13 - ok, when I got home, too. Who cares?! Did I say that I was easily offended in this situation? Yep. Working on that! Enter pride again, too, all over green beans!..

That's just a few of my non-perfectionistic moments this week!

His mercies are new every morning... deep breath of relief...

Today, I comforted Ava when she fell off of the chair onto her face and was still in that moment of hugging my daughter. I then applied hydrocort to her eczema on her little cheek with a gentle and patient hand.

I noticed a blue bird in the maple and thought how awesome it was that God created him.

I made myself a cup of hot tea and drank it slowly.

I thought about forgiving some old hurts with people and letting God fill that space in my heart with His mercy.

I thought about being unoffendable - I do know people who are, and I marvel. I'm getting there slowly but surely. Most of the time that I'm offended, I'm looking at my larger than life self and letting pride and reputation weigh in.

I walked past the laundry room and just breathed...

I am aware that these altered mindsets and perspectives don't just happen in a given day. As soon as my feet hit the floor, these little laundry goblins rush at me twirling mismatched socks and underwear (yes, I wrote the word, underwear) and then they bring with them the dishes goblins and the "you didn't accomplish everything on your list YESTERDAY"goblins... Anyone understand what I'm saying here??

I have to be intentional about my mindset and my perspective and I have to ask the Lord to help me have a clean, non-fearful and non-anxious heart, not filled with anxiety but with peace -an undivided heart in the midst of my sinful flesh that wars against the Spirit who lives IN me, the worldly chaos around me that can be SO loud and the influences of evil. Yes, I do believe it exists. That's a whole "nother" story! Isn't nother a fun, ahem, word?

There's a song that I'll try to find that I've been hearing this week that's just been released. The artist sings of asking Jesus to save us again and again - not the salvation kind of saving again and again but the rescuing our hearts from the idols that fight for our attention and the things that can oppress and bind our hearts. Jesus said that He came "so that we may have life and have it to the full." He says that He came to set the prisoners and the captives FREE! Do I really believe that? Yes! I do!

It's up to me take hold of those truths and walk in that freedom and to continue to repent and believe, repent and believe...It's a journey, and dadgummit, I'm NOT going to be perfect until I'm with Jesus someday. Kathy, those words have paid dividends...

I do STILL need to do laundry...whimper whimper...

Ah.. but it doesn't control me today. I'll get to it and all of the other things that compete for my attention.

I do think this blog was more important than any of that laundry sitting up there.

Thank you Jesus, that You are my perfection and my righteousness, that I don't have to strive.

Joy and Peace to you today,

Emily

Ava is 7 Months Old!

Hi, everyone! Just popping up to tell you that...



I just turned 7 months old on the 21st! The big news of the day is that I rolled over yesterday!

I'll Cry if I Want To

It's not very often that Ava really pitches a big one, but this was one of those times. We had gone out to eat to celebrate birthdays in my family, and she got VERY tired. She finally just had a meltdown, bless her heart. I've been away from the computer for a few days this week, but I'll post some more pictures coming up soon. We're enjoying this beautiful weather and trying to get outside and enjoy it!

Have a great week, everyone! And if you feel like crying, just cry and let it out like Ava did in this picture. Sometime, I feel like doing that, and I'm an adult! :)

Happy Birthday, Daddy!

Yesterday, Ava and I celebrated Ben's birthday all day long! I had hidden surprises in different places around the house for him to find before he left for work. Once he had gone, Ava and I got ready for her daddy surprise. This involved going to Kroger at 12:00 to buy a helium Happy Birthday Dad balloon. Ben was meeting some guy friends for lunch at Los Amigos, and Ava and I were going to be sneaky and hang the balloon on his rearview mirror for him to find when he came out. Well, turns out that Daddy had a window seat and saw the red truck coming and going, and I almost got into an accident right there in front of the restaurant! So much for trying to be stealthy!

Ava and I then went BACK to Kroger to finish our birthday shopping for Daddy. Next, we headed to see Daddy at work, have a bottle and to hang out with him before we went to buy produce and meat at the market! I'm trying to buy locally now when I can to support the farmers. Plus, they had gala apples on sale for .99 lb. Anyway! I had a special birthday dinner planned for him last night, and I was determined to find all of the necessary ingredients. I made fennel-encrusted pork chops with potato, fennel and leek gratin. It was delicious! I had never really cooked with fennel before- definitely a vegetable to add to our list! Here are a few pictures from our celebration of daddy last night!

Happy Birthday, Daddy! I love you!



I got Ben a Tomato Head (popular restaurant around here) cycling jersey.



Ava loved Daddy's balloon!

A Woman, Two Cats and A Baby

Remarkably, we made it to the vet without too much craziness! Needless to say, it was like a parade of carriers coming into the office. I took all three in one at a time. The only notable thing that happened was that Lucy, because she's a nervous kitty, decided to poop in her carrier while in route to the vet. It was horrible! Thankfully, I was able to roll down the windows a bit to let in some fresh air. Oh, and the other notable thing is that our black cat baby, Saki, is almost 15 lbs! We knew she had weight issues, but good grief! She is on a strict kitty food and excercise regimen now. Lucy came in at 8.8. She's our hunter! They look possessed in these pictures! I think Lucy is sometimes...



This is Saki, our 15 pounder.




Ava was just happy that she didn't require any vaccinations this time around! She goes back at 9 months for her next check-up, and NO vaccinations will be needed at that visit! Yippee!

All is well here today. It's raining, and the pear trees are flowering. We're going out tonight to celebrate Ben's and my aunt's birthday! Ben's is March 16th and my aunt Jill's is March 18th. This is our first celebration get-together since my grandmother passed away in January. It will be good to rejoice and celebrate!

Oh, by the way, Ben will be turning 36!

Happy weekend, everyone! I'll post more pics tomorrow sometime. I'm working on Ava's adoption announcment right now, picking out the wording and pictures to use. I've also been working on her baby book this week - a little bit at a time...

Daddy is Funny!

Don't forget to pause the playlist music before you watch the video so you can hear Ava! :)



Tonight, we were finally able to sit down and figure out how to upload our videos to the blog. The software has been a little difficult to navigate, so we've been delayed in getting them on here. Let's see if this works! Here goes...

Ava is going through a major growth spurt this week! She rolled completely over for the first time from her back to her stomach. Some babies go stomach to back first, but Ava decided she would do it the other way around! She's miss wiggly now, and she's really into flower arrangments, dried or real. We were hanging out this afternoon with my Mom, and when we turned around, Ava had a piece of ivy in her hand. We had no idea where it had come from. Everything is up for grabs!

By the time you read this, I will have taken Lucy, Saki, and Ava to the vet. Two cat carriers and a baby seat. Oh, the adventure of having animals! I just figured we'd get everyone taken care of at the same time, so I don't have to go back anytime soon. Too bad our vet isn't a pediatrician also! It's an ordeal getting just the cats there without any mishaps! I'll get some pictures of the clan tomorrow for you to see!

Scooter!

Just within the last week, Ava has started relocating in her crib! Up until this point, she has been in her little sleep positioner, and we'd find her there in the morning. Well... can I just tell that she is everywhere and all over the place now? Here's a picture for you to see her on the move... To experiment, we put her all the way at the bottom of the crib one night to see how far she'd go. Here she is at the top of the crib turned the other direction! We think she is back scooting with her legs. Rolling over is coming up very soon!




Also, she is saying some syllables now! She can say ba ba and da da... Ben is thrilled!

Happy Spring!

Spring has finally sprung! At the first sign of spring, Ben and I have always loved to head outside! If there's a season that's my favorite, it would have to be spring. Every February/March, I wait for that first day of pretty weather and can't wait to get outside and enjoy it. It was a beautiful day yesterday, and we decided to take Ava outside to play on a quilt for the first time. Up until now, it's been too cold for her to spend a long time outdoors without being all bundled up like an Eskimo. We had a really fun time playing with her and Bear in the backyard. It was Bear's first time getting to know Ava. I think he was afraid of the rainforest jumparoo! Getting him to sit still for a decent family picture was nearly impossible! Here are a few pictures from our afternoon outdoors! It will take me a bit to get the captions on...

Ava sporting her Smoky baseball cap!



Daddy and Ava posing for a picture.



Mommy, Ava and Bear TRY to pose for a picture.



Bear during one of his civilized moments...



Ben and Bear sipping iced tea and resting...



Just hanging out. It was SO windy!



Bath time in the rubber ducky given to us by Kristie and Eric! Thanks, guys! She loves it! I had no idea it made sounds, by the way. Scared me to death!



Goodbye winter and cold weather...our little pink Eskimo with Rapunzel braids. She will ask us someday, "What in the world did you have on me?"

Oh, Happy Day! Ava's Adoption Day!

"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that we could ask or imagine, to Him be the glory forever and ever." Ephesians 3:20

The story of Ava Faith began in this bakery, Sweet Celebrations, in the spring of 2008, just an everyday normal kind of day, a day that would forever change our lives. The tying of my apron strings that day would soon be followed by a divine appointment for me and my now dear friend, Patty, who was from Atlanta and knew Ava's birth family. This is where the journey began, in a very sweet place...



Ava Faith was to be born at Southern Regional Hospital in Riverdale, GA. We got the call late Wednesday afternoon, August 20, to jump in the car and come! A baby was on the way, and we were invited to be in the delivery room for the birth!



We finally arrived in Riverdale, GA at the hospital at around 9:00 p.m. Patty drove from Tyrone to meet us to share in the excitement and wonder at God's plan in her being chosen to bring the good news of a baby to us!



We officially arrived at the Women's Life Center where we could hear the beating of little heartbeats on machines in every room, monitoring babies about to be born! Here we are stepping out in faith, walking through doors as they open. The door to the delivery room was behind us, and we were about to enter, trusting, trusting, trusting...



This little bundle of joy, who we named Ava Faith, came into this world at 1:56 a.m., August 21, 2008, weighing 8lbs 15 oz and measuring 20 inches long.




After spending time with Ava's birth family, who we truly grew to love, and giving them time to spend with Ava, we were about to hold our future daughter for the very first time. I honestly wish I could tell you in words what that moment felt like. It was indescribable! You can imagine all of the emotions running through our hearts and thoughts running through our minds, as we really didn't know for sure in this moment if everything would work out in the end. I will tell you that we had an unbelievable peace, though, standing there in that moment.



Ava's birthmom looks at Ava and places her in my arms. I felt so much love in my heart for her and for Ava in this moment.



Ava's birthfather places Ava in Ben's arms. The love in that room for this little girl was spilling over. It was pouring out of all of us, as we took in the magnitude of this moment.



This is our first picture taken as a family in the delivery room. The time was close to 3:00 a.m. I think.



We were about to be discharged from the hospital. Here we are in the moment right before we left the birthmom's hospital room. We all left the hospital at the same time.



It was homeward bound on the following Saturday to Tennessee! At this point, the birthparents had until Tuesday to change their minds.



My family had decorated the front of our house and were waiting to celebrate with us! Next door neighbors streamed down the hill to see Ava for the first time.



Remember the bow picture?! We kept very busy during the waiting days just loving Ava and visiting with friends and family near and far!



On the 11th day of the waiting at about 5:00 - 3..2..1! She's our daughter! A GREAT celebration was held to mark this momentous day!



Saying goodbye to the pain and the waiting of the last eight years, represented by white, green and pink balloons. Off they go!



Six months of celebrating as a family would pass, and fast forward to today, March 3, 2009 - Ava's official adoption day! Today was a day that marked the wonderful and amazing fulfillment of God's plan for our family! He did this. We had no idea what He had in store last summer!! I can just see His face smiling with us today. Oh, thank you, Lord! You are so good and so faithful to us all of the time, even in the midst of the valleys and the dark places. Your light comes shining through those dark clouds!

My Aunt Syd met us at the Justice Center to celebrate with us. My parents were out of town and well as Ben's Mom and Dad. My aunt adopted my precious cousin, Lacy, from South Korea in 1986 and remembers this moment well!



To finalize an adoption takes a team! This is team Ava Faith! From left to right are Dawn, our TN attorney, us, and Pam, our dear friend who has completed home study after home study for us throughout our quest to bring Maia home from China and Ava home from GA! Thank you, dear women, who have such an amazing, tireless heart for adoption!



I had to take a picture of this gentlemen, uh hem, officer! He surprised us by giving a stuffed little alligator to Ava. He was quite taken with her, and they had their picture made together. We told him that we'd "see him around town." Hopefully from a distance! ha!



The adoption ceremony was completed in Judge Young's chambers. Here we are watching him sign the official papers! He was such a nice man and just LOVES adoption day!



Our adoption day picture with Judge Young in his chambers. Ava kept staring at his orange tie!



It's official! They did such a wonderful job making the ceremony special for us. Here we are with a congratulatory folder with certificate and picture to keep.



After the ceremony, we celebrated by eating lunch at Cracker Barrel! Yum! It was so relaxing just to sit down and celebrate while eating Uncle Herschel's favorite and a smokehouse breakfast, while Ava napped. Next, we headed to, you guessed it, Sweet Celebrations bakery!!!



No apron this time - just me and Ava behind the register!



Ah... it's finally time to come home and take a NAP!



The End!

So sleepy...

A couple of nights ago, Ben and I were in the kitchen cleaning up dirty dishes, and Ava was in the living room in her jumparoo. All of the sudden, we heard silence. It usually makes rainforest sounds, and you can hear Ava jumping up and down. Ben went in to peek at her, and this is what we found! She had had a big day! Poor little thing...





Tomorrow at 8:45, we will go to the Justice Center here in town to go before a judge to finalize Ava's adoption. We're not sure if it will be just us or lots of families with us. There will be a little ceremony, and I hear that they do a really nice job of making it special. I had thought about a picnic, but considering that it's 36 degrees right now in the daytime, that may not be a good idea! I'm still thinking of ideas to celebrate and mark the occasion.

I remember when the 11 day recission period ended, and we all exhaled across the country! Ava was to be our daughter! Tomorrow will be more like a gentle sigh and the fulfillment of the waiting and God's amazing hand in bringing Ava into our lives. I continue to be humbled and so grateful that He stepped in when He did to orchestrate this. To put it mildly, He knocked our socks off! Talk about not seeing this coming!

In the words of the bakery where it all happened and where I had a divine appointment -

Sweet Celebrations I still giggle when I drive past the bakery, thinking and reflecting on the magnitude of what happened in that building, just the simplicity of it, the timing of it, the sweetness of it, the faithfulness of it.

Wishing all of you sweet celebrations, too, deep within your heart, whether you're in the valley or up on the mountain. I've moved Steven Curtis Chapman's, "The Mountain" song to the first one. Be prepared to jam at the end!

Our valleys and mountains are as different as we are individually from one another, but our hope can be the same! I give thanks for each and every single one of you reading my blog, wherever you are in your doubts, your questions, your strivings, your aches and your hopes for deliverance and answers. My Jesus is able. HE IS ABLE! I can't be silent about that. If you're up on the mountain, praise God. If you're down in valley, praise God, because your mountain is coming, and the valley will forever change you while you're there. Keep walking...keep trusting...keep believing!

Amen.

I'll be posting adoption day pics this week!!!