The Dream

This next post has been tucked carefully in my heart for many years now, and up until July 15 of this summer, faith made a light to follow on the long and often arduous journey to our baby girl in China. Faith has become my eyes now, and I want to share this special post with you and ultimately with Maia. I will tell it just as it happened.

I'm not sure of the date. I know that it was after 2002, likely in 2003 or 2004. We had lost a baby in March of 2002 at 10 weeks and were entering into an unanticipated eight years of waiting for children. "The Lord gives His beloved sleep," and how desperately I wanted to just sleep peacefully during those years and the aching and longing of my heart vanish when I awoke. The Lord was with me in my rising up and in my lying down and during all the times inbetween, much closer than I could possibly imagine with my limited vision and understanding during that time. Oh, if our eyes could be opened like they were for the servant of Elijah! What great and mighty things we would behold around us.

I had a dream, rather I believe that the Lord granted me a special dream during the waiting years. I have only dreamed this once, but I remember it as clearly today as when it came to me in dream. The Lord still speaks in dreams. I'm not one that would say that He uses that method often with me, but I don't limit Him and I never know what or whom He's going to use on this life journey to speak to me. Like Mary long ago, I've pondered this in my heart many times, knowing in my heart that Lord revealed a piece of His plan in the middle of the ache and the long-suffering and the "endless" waiting.

I was in a room, and the only thing I remember about this room were three things. In the room, I was standing holding a child in my arms. I remember this child being Caucasian, and I don't know if it was a boy or girl. I remember holding this child for awhile in my dream and having peace. I turned to walk out of the door in the room, and what happened next is still a mystery to me in many ways. Part lies hidden behind the veil in Heaven for my eyes to behold someday, and part lies seen here on Earth.

Before I left the room, I looked at the child I was holding and sat him or her down. I didn't see my child on the floor. I just remember sitting them down. That was the last time I saw the child. I then turned away from the door and looked at a bed, and in the middle of the bed on a comforter was a little girl with black hair and she was tiny.She was bundled. I peered down at her and reached to pick her up. That's all I remember.

As I try my best to interpret this dream many years later, I understand more fully that the Lord was asking me to surrender my plan, my child, to His care. I was laying it down and reaching for the Lord's plan for my family. I had to give my desire for a family and the loss of our baby to the Lord in order to find what He had planned for me. Knowing how great my heartache was during that time, the Lord tended to my heart and was patient and tender with me. The fulfillment of this dream or vision would have to wait many more years, but I truly believe the Lord allowed me to have this dream to keep in my heart, waiting on its fulfillment in the appointed time. That's why I have the verse from Habbukuk at the top of my blog. It's become one of my life verses that I've clung to all this time, largely because of this dream.

Maia is the baby I reach for now, knowing that El Roi, the God who sees, sees me and sees Maia, no matter how great the distance, and He knew the appointed time that we would find each other.

In the Lord's time, the vision did not tarry.