PAUSE THE PLAYLIST MUSIC TO HEAR THE VIDEO
With Open Arms...
I thought long and hard about what I wanted the title of this blog to be. I wanted it to be something that captured the place where I found myself this summer when I started journaling. I wanted it to capture traveling the road of domestic adoption and contining to wait on an international one. This blog is about far more than adoption though. It's about finding God in the waiting in my life and in the everyday ups and downs.
I haven't always had open arms to whatever the Lord had for me. Often, I've had my own plans and my own course set -goals, visions, hopes, dreams that I hoped would just happen to line up with God's purpose for my life and what He had for me. Many times, I've come kicking and screaming and saying, "Wait, Lord, but I thought we'd do it this way." I'm learning that HIS way is always better.
Complete surrender - that could have been another title for this blog. Sometime along the way, not quickly or at the onset of the journey to children, but somewhere along the way, I FINALLY came to end of myself and my wishes and how I thought the plan should unfold. I began to pray, "Lord, give me the desires of Your heart. Make my desires match Yours." He has been faithful to do that over time.
Domestic adoption is a road that I have peered down but deliberately not traveled because of fear and uncertainty. Anybody familiar with those two terms? I thought it would be too difficult, and I wanted something that was a sure thing, especially after the heartache of the last eight years and the ups and downs and disappointments of countless procedures and miscarriages. I'm learning that I never know what is a "sure" thing, but I did learn in this adoption that when I completely surrender, and open my arms and walk forward, that God WILL lead, and He will come in His timing to show me His plan for my life. Better still, He will make the desires of my heart line up with His. He has been patient with my kicking and screaming and questioning and doubting. He's been patient with my waywardness and wanderings. He knows I'm dust.
There are some of you reading this blog that are on a similar journey to start a family, and I want to say to you, "hold on." There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and it's coming, though it may not unfold exactly like the way you envisioned. It's coming and will be the perfect plan and will be your special story.
I wanted to include this video on this post, because I stumbled on it after a dear friend pointed out that Mark Schultz is adopted. You may not know this guy, but He's a great Christian singer who has traveled the journey of being adopted, and He shares His story.
I am forever grateful to Ava's birthmom who made the unselfish choice to place Ava with our family. She's a part of the great romance and story of our lives that God has been weaving together through the ups and downs. I can never express my gratitude enough to her. She'll always hold a very special place in our hearts. I would do this all again - maybe without so much kicking and screaming and insisting on my own way - but I would go through the valley again to find Ava and Maia on the other side.
Still waiting on Miss Maia, but I know she's coming...
Love everyone,
Emily
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